fashion...turn to the left

fancy people ride the train.

ex. 1 - awesome dude with a beard in two braids...with green ball ponytail holders at the end. BALLER.

ex. 2 - older man in a hawaiian shirt with a button missing to where his hairy belly button was peeking at me.

ex. 3 - woman sits next to me sporting a black shower cap with ruffles around the edge....i guess sometimes you gotta deep condition on the go.

back in the [crack] habit

though i have not updated in a while, please believe that there have been some colorful events on the cta. abandoned thongs in the stairwell, people getting phone jacked, and cta employees once again trying to holla while on the clock - just to name a few.

today a crackhead couple were being lovey dovey, giving each other toothless kisses, touching their crusty lips to the others greasy face. it kind of made me smile on the inside [there's someone for everyone!]...until the woman decided that it was also a good time to squeeze out blackheads from her nose. the guy wasn't into it, but she kept squeezing away and i silently panicked and thought of all the other foul things that transpire on the train.

no matter how hard i scrub, i'll never get clean.

dumps like a truck

8:45am red line -

girl gets off at chicago and state

man with lazy eye turns to the guy behind him and says: "nice ass, huh"

the guy nods in agreement.

the guy with the unemployed eye then proceeds to gawk at me with his good eye.


creeps.

8:30am red line:

two overly tan broads and two meatheads in cubs jerseys - all drinking bottles of miller light.

if they knew any better, they would know that bud light is the official cubs beer...the urine flavor is tastier and less filling.

dang, i didn't know i was that repulsive...

shout out to the dude sitting next to me on the green line - thanks for barfing everywhere.

i couldn't tell if it was too much bacardi or swine flu, but i'm gonna go douse myself in bleach.

just when i think i won't have anything funny or outrageous to post...

as i headed down the stairs from state and lake this morning, i saw a balled up black cloth on the steps...as i got closer, i realized it was a thong just hanging out on the steps, looking dirty and used....probably like its former owner.

sounds like the ultimate walk of shame - the shame train express. toot toot.

open wide...

i thought someone was snoring on the green line - until i looked up and realized that some dude was a hella mouth breather [if you don't know what that is/what it looks like... see p. diddy]. he had his trap wide open, taking all the air and being real loud about it.

the guy freestyle rapping to himself on the red line made up for it.